Today was better. Our biggest good news is that Katie's brain scan came back normal, wich means her brain did not bleed and there's no apparent problems with her brain. The other big event of the day was Katie got one of her umbilical tubes out and they replaced it with a PICC line. (I think it has 2 Cs?) A PICC line is like an IV in her arm with a cathater that goes up through her arm vein and stops just short of her heart. She will get her fluids, meds, etc. through the PICC line. We had to sign a release for them to do this, which was scary. They had to remove the line in her tummy, because it gets infected if it stays in too long.....so there wasn't really any alternative. Reading all of the risks freaked me out, then having to sign where it says "parent or legal guardian" was a moment for me. I've sent home plenty of papers and forms for parents to sign, but I've never before signed one as a parent myself.
I only fell apart once today. I was giving Katie one of her evening feedings, while the nurse was working on removing the tummy line. She was having trouble getting it out of the umbilical cord. I just couldn't watch it. I think the nurses thought I had to turn away because of the blood, but that wasn't it. It looked like it was hurting my baby. Even though I know I couldn't have changed her being born early, I still sometimes think that she's going through all of this because my body failed her. Everybody reminds me it's not my fault, but I really don't understand why God would put a helpless little baby through this. Maybe I'll understand it someday.